Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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