He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
