I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
