Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
