Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
