I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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