i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
