Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
