we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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