Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
