If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize