I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
