I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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