he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
