Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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