my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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