i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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