Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
