It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
