did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
