five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
