did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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