About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
