Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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