Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
