and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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