ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
