tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
worst night to have a conscience
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
