You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
