having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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