He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
