That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
