I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
