then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
