Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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