I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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