new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
