I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
