btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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