There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
