is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
