So drunk its hurt
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
