Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
