and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
