he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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