singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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