i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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