This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
