I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
