Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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