Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
