You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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