no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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