Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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