I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
