well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
