this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
