I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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