I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
