my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
