ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
