He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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