dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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