party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize