they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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